spirit springs (day five)

A sound night's sleep, even though I got locked out of the shared bathroom by the kid in the middle of the night, and had to jimmy the lock with my triple-A card. Grrr. But a good night in my nice big bed with the creek bubbling outside. Another good yoga and meditation session in the morning, followed by a delicious breakfast of raw oatmeal with fruit, nuts, honey, and cinnamon. Plus a grapefruit. Good stuff.

At 11:30 a.m., I met Andrzej in the studio for my final clarity breathwork session. We talked about commitments that I want to make to myself following the retreat. Things like creating a small but dedicated space for meditation at home, and keeping the daily routine of meditating, but not berating myself if I don't do it (which reminds me, I haven't done it at all since I returned a few days ago! And I also want to start eating grapefruit every day.); having faith that positive change will come with time; and opening up to my feminine side, with which I am apparently having an internal battle (I could go on about this at length, but now is not the time).

This retreat was challenging, but overall a very positive experience. I did my best to remain open to new experiences, and I think I succeeded at that. I learned that I need to stop fighting with myself internally; that I can do new things and open myself up to growth and change; that I can't eat too much raw food; that Tibetan singing bowls have freaky powers; that fear is just a function of bad wiring in the brain, and that I can rewire myself to minimize this; to allow everything to be as it is; that death is a blessing (still working on this one); that I already have everything I need to succeed and be happy, I just need to understand this on a spiritual level; that Watsu is awesome.

I drove back to San Francisco on Friday evening, and the first thing I did at the airport was eat a piece of cheese pizza, a muffin, and a fizzy drink. Oh, how I'd been craving those things. I flew home to L.A., and stayed up much of the night watching "Lost" on DVD, and waiting for Mr. G to come home from a late night of work. A return to bad habits, or simply an indulgence in familiar comforts that I deserve? Definitely the latter . . . I think. Yes, definitely. True growth takes time :)