So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night. I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
The first week of my leave of absence ended today. I stayed up too late, slept in too late, and generally just decompressed. I accomplished a few things, and I sat around mindlessly for quite a few hours as well. So be it. That's what this week was for. But now, I'd like to get a little more serious, a little more disciplined . . . without of course placing any unreasonable or even uncomfortable restrictions on myself.
I hope my dear friends will understand. I love them, but this is a leave of absence for ME and my mental health. It can't be filled up with social engagements and normal activities. I need for it to be a true BREAK with normalcy; a time to float freely and allow myself the time and space to think, reflect, feel, and hopefully begin to heal. I may put on a brave face when you see me, and appear to be "okay," but the truth is, I'm NOT okay. My parents are both dead, and they were my whole family. Sure I have many wonderful, wonderful friends, and other family, who love and support me, and I am SO grateful for all of you. But the next few weeks are about me stepping out of time, to honor the seriousness of my situation, and to honor my parents' memories. Maybe it's hard to understand, and I don't expect anyone to understand who hasn't been through such a thing. In fact, it's good if you DON'T understand in a way because it's not a very fun thing to contemplate. But I hope that everyone can respect it.
I won't be gone forever. Only a few weeks, and you know how time flies by lickety-split. I'll be back on the scene in May, in one version or another. I know I won't be magically healed. It's a long road ahead. But I hope I'll at least feel that my hiatus was time well spent, and that I'll have some amount of clarity and renewed strength to carry on, and adjust to my new reality. Until then, please know that I love you, and I look forward to seeing you later this spring.
So until May -- Adios, amoebas.